What If the Star Wars Sequels Were Based on a Kurosawa Movie Just Like the Original Star Wars? Page 3
offscreen, but there’s a good reason to show it here. When Wedge arrives at Obi-Wan’s cave, he finds the only survivors of Bib Fortuna’s raid are two droids. It is here that we should be re-introduced to R2D2 and C3PO, who were originally the property of Captain Raymus Antilles (no apparent relation to Wedge) in a New Hope, but as we come full circle, they are once again in the employ of an Antilles. Technically, R2 and 3PO are still Skywalker property, but let’s assume in the aftermath of the Republic victory, resources are still scarce and astromech and protocol droids are hard to come by.
At last C3PO and R2D2’s presence is justified. Boba Fett cannot be the hero. His popularity stems from a mass rejection of the easy fairy tale narratives. If we were to make the choice to make the stranger the hero, the rogue we should have picked would have been Han Solo, but Boba Fett represents a universe closer to our world, where good and evil are a less relevant axis of a person’s measure than competence vs incompetence. Of the two robots, C3PO is the one who most closely resembles the obsequious, self-serving thieves that were their inspiration in The Hidden Fortress, and so it would seem to be R2D2 that is the true hero of this movie (and by some fan theories, R2D2 is the most important character in the Star Wars saga).
Boba Fett has used his tracking skills to follow Wedge back to Obi-Wan’s cave undetected, but not in time to save Wedge Antilles from assassination. Naturally, C3PO, the coward, after the customary “thank the Maker” proclamations upon seeing Wedge’s rescue squad, dives back into his hiding place when Fortuna’s gang makes another assault, this time mortally wounding Wedge. All of this happens offscreen in Yojimbo, but given Wedge Antilles’ importance to the canon, it might not be such a terrible idea to do a little poignant death scene to raise the emotional stakes. In the audience’s mind, If they, the authors of the movie, can kill Wedge Antilles, they can kill Boba Fett (who has indeed already “died” at the jaws of the Sarlacc) and is still, however loved, firmly established as a secondary character.
It’s too early for Fett to die at this point, however, as he easily captures the culprits (along with R2 and 3PO) and brings them back to Hutt, thereby earning his first batch of currency. 3PO cheerily takes to his role as servant to the Hutt (having been a servant to another Hutt so recently). Watto is also pleased at the prospect of Fett settling his bill. Fett, taking his earnings, then informs Fortuna who has his gang. Fortuna kidnaps Rotta the Hutt in retaliation. His underlings think they have won, but Fortuna knows it is the Twi’lek Oola who is the major power. They arrange a prisoner exchange, but we are finally introduced to Unosuke, a cloaked figure with a red (i.e. evil) light saber kills Fortuna’s crew just as the prisoner exchange finishes. Boba Fett should witness this with a measure of professional concern, and perhaps the gesture of a raised eyebrow (or as much of a raised eyebrow that can be suggested through a closed helmet).
In the movie proper, you should never waste time in revealing such a back-story, but for the purposes of internal consistency, we’ll need to explain at least to ourselves that Unosuke is a Jango clone who has been bred by the Emperor to be force sensitive, and, upon the collapse of the Empire, Rotta the Hutt, who has been offworld during the events of Episodes IV-VI secures Unosuke’s services. Insofar that it is possible to discern shock from Boba Fett, that’s what should register upon their first meeting face to helmet. This does threaten to bring up the specter of the prequels in which we conceive of kid Boba Fett, and that’s not the image we want to conjure. Yet the evil twin nemesis is a compelling enough reason to risk it, so let’s risk away. Of course, the evil clone twin is a well-trodden trope in the expanded universe materials, but as they have yet to make their way into cinema canon yet, let’s take dibs on it. Boba has always been a laconic, professional badass, but let’s make his twin be something of the opposite — an emotional, cruel, sadistic amateur, yet with the same deadliness, coupled with the dark side of The Force. In Yojimbo, the character of Unosuke has a maniacal, almost sexual fetish about the way he handles his gun, and so should our Unosuke with his Jedi weapon. Unosuke gives Boba Fett insincere thanks for helping decimate Fortuna’s crew, and “warns” him of the bounty the Republic has placed upon him, now that Hutt has sent news of Fett’s existence to the Republic to curry favor so as to not interfere with his accumulation and consolidation of territory on Tattooine. Obviously, Unosuke, while in the employ of Hutt, owes him no allegiance, and, like Boba, still very much a free agent.
In Yojimbo (and in A Fistfull of Dollars), there is a subplot about a farmer and his wife, whom the protagonist rescues, betraying his essentially heroic and selfless nature. We can’t be having that from Boba Fett. Instead, Boba, now increasingly under pressure from the Republic bounty on his head, kidnaps the droids (killing several guards, and thus evening the balance of manpower between Rotta the Hutt and Bib Fortuna) from Hutt’s ramshackle base, along with whatever it is they found in Obi-Wan’s cave. At this point, we’re not just borrowing from Yojimbo; we’re also borrowing from the Maltese Falcon. Whatever this Macguffin is, it will buy Fett’s pardon, or so he hopes. He naturally stows the droids in Watto’s Inn, offering them as collateral against his full bill. Watto, knowing full well the provenance of the droids, immediately begins re-facing R2D2 with spare parts to disguise him in case Hutt’s thugs arrive looking for him. When they do arrive, Watto can feed them a familiar line, “these are not the droids you’re looking for.” As for C3PO, his vast language skills are “useless” to Watto, and so he begins disassembling him in hopes of finding and stealing the valuable item inside 3PO’s carapace. (The Macguffin is naturally stored inside R2D2, as R2 has always been the carrier of valuables, whether they be plans to the Death Star or some pointless bauble.) This satisfies the condition that C3PO must be torn apart in every movie he appears in, and also satisfies the requirement of a hero’s sacrifice.
Boba tells Rotta the Hutt that Fortuna has captured the droids, but Oola susses out the deception and tells Unosuke to seize him and torture him for the location. We see Boba stripped of his Mandalorean armor, but careful placement of the camera should ensure that the audience never sees his face, though it wouldn’t be the worst idea to have Unosuke throw away the line, “It’s like looking into a broken mirror,” in a threatening way. Even in apparent defeat, Boba should maintain a certain amount of mystique to the audience, even if to his adversary, he is unmasked and naked.
Torture rooms and detention cells are usually kept in darkness, so that will be an aid when it comes to depicting Boba’s escape without showing his face. He makes his way back to Watto’s inn and collapses. Watto hides him in a room full of junk. When Rotta’s men come looking for him, Watto invites them in to search the junk-filled room. One almost discovers Boba’s hiding spot, but R2 discreetly pushes a scaffolding of junk, causing it to collapse all over him. Irritated, they give up and admonish Watto to clean up his house. Watto laughs this off, and to play up his caricature of a hoarding trash dealer, takes a valise he has scavenged from Rotta’s junk pile and tosses it into the room, almost hitting Boba. The valise pops open. Inside is one of Obi-Wan’s moth-eaten (or eaten by whatever is the Star Wars Universe equivalent of moths) robes. Boba pulls it out as a blanket and passes out.
In cover of night, Watto conscripts his friend/adversary Greedo II the coffin maker to smuggle Boba out to the sematary (as is done in Yojimbo and Fistfull) inside a coffin. For comedic effect, Watto can be seen theatrically flapping his decrepit wings, but the camera can pan down to see it is R2D2 (under a control bolt) who is pulling the bulk of the weight. Over the course of a few weeks, we can see Watto and R2 bring food and medicine.
Naturally, following the story, Watto is caught. Let’s have him be questioned by the fearsome Unosuke.
“You’re going to tell me where you’ve hidden your Mandalorean friend.”
“Bah! Your Jedi mind tricks don’t work on me.” (Rhyming!)
“I’m not a Jedi.”
Close up on Watto’s permanently gruff face betraying fear.
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br /> In the interim we can see Rotta’s forces, under the leadership of Unosuke, decimating Bib Fortuna’s remaining retinue of guardsmen. The young gangster wannabe we see at the beginning is shown to be an eager but incompetent and somewhat easily frightened thug, and so Rotta the Hutt, to amuse himself and the others, makes a farcical ceremony in giving the kid Boba’s old armor and weaponry. The kid is both embarrassed but visibly gratified at being made a part of the gang, and attempts to show off by clumsily firing one of Boba’s gadgets, which shoots in a haphazard direction causing everyone to duck and dodge before piercing a Salacious B. Crumb-esque jester. There is a bit of silence as everyone looks to the kid, including the menacing Rotta, who breaks the silence by laughing uproariously and slapping him on the back hard enough to make him fall over, armor and all. This scene is a bit of comic relief before the tonal shift of the next, which is of Unosuke beheading a cowering Bib Fortuna, who looks to his fellow Twi’lek, Oola, for mercy, but there is none forthcoming. Make no mistake, this is a dangerous and murderous lot!
Fett is